(America's JIM is in his corvette and caught up in a case of road rage near a convenience store. The clerk is changing the price of gas on a big sign.)
Road rager: (Honking and yelling from a jalope) Where'd you get your license? TEXAS?
America's JIM: Where'd you get that old car? A cracker jack box? What is wrong with people?
(America's JIM gets out of his car)
America is too uptight right now. Calm down people.
(America's JIM approaches store clerk and grabs suction cup stick and threatens to raise gas even more if America doesn't calm down)
Clerk: Sir, what are you doing? I'm under deadline.
America's JIM: Calm down people. Look what you're doing to these prices. Don't make me go to $5 a gallon.
(People driving by can't believe their ears and eyes. America's JIM chases clerk away and raises gas prices to $10.00.)